The Proof is in the Pudding

The great myths and stories of our culture include many that tell the tale of an individual’s (usually a man’s) heroic effort to prove his love for the woman he desires. Remember the story of Jacob as told in Holy Scripture. Laban, who was Rachel’s father, required Jacob to serve him for what turned out to be 14 years to earn the hand of his daughter Rachel. Surely in that servitude Jacob saw himself proving his love for Rachel. In Norse mythology, Siegfried must pass through a great curtain of fire to be with Brunhilda. And in Greek mythology, just for example, there is the story of Hero and Leander. Leander swam the Hellespont every night to be with his love, Hero. That’s a mile or so of open sea. Presumably, in all of these cases, the women were suitably impressed with their suitors’ efforts. But were these mighty feats proof of love? Can love be proved?

Evidently, people often think so. Moving from mythology to the real world… the world in which we live, how often have you heard phrases that begin, "If you loved me, you would… "? Or, "If you really loved me, you would…" One person sets out conditions by which the other can prove his or her love. Surely we would all say that these are not healthy comments in a relationship, and may be signs of manipulation or even abuse.

It’s a funny thing, isn’t it? Proving your love. In the mythical stories, it’s easy to see a sort of romantic nobility in the hero’s efforts, and their great feats are positive reminders that love truly is worth something. Love is more than a passing fancy or a casual fling. And perhaps things like bravery and faithfulness can be proved. But surely the modern examples remind us that, ultimately, love cannot be proved. No action, whether nobly undertaken, or done because of another’s manipulation, can really prove an individual’s love.

I think this is why I feel so uneasy with this morning’s gospel. Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." Are we being asked to prove our love? And Jesus goes on—saying, it seems, that if we pass the test, if we do keep the commandments and prove our love, then Jesus will ask the Father to give us the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, to be with us forever. It sounds an awful lot like those unhealthy sorts of comments that we sometimes hear in today’s relationships.

I think we are prone, in our relationship with God, to fall into this very way of thinking, this unhealthy expectation that love can and should be proved by some specific act. We think this way both in our love for God and, probably more significantly, in our expectations of God’s love for us. We are often tempted, I think, by the hope that God will prove God’s love for us in some mighty and awesome act. I will certainly admit that I would like God to prove, specifically, powerfully and unequivocally, that God loves me. This global warm and fuzzy "God is love" stuff is OK, but I want proof that God loves me. It’s awfully easy for my prayers to start out, "If you really loved me, God, you would…"

But love cannot be proved. Returning to today’s gospel, I can think of quite a few people who keep the Ten Commandments, but don’t love God. Not everyone who avoids work on Sunday (the Sabbath) and honors his parents is a person who loves God. And just pause for a moment and think about the people whom you truly love, and those who love you. Can love be proved?

So where does this leave us in our relationship with God? Especially with respect to the church’s constant proclamation that God does love you and me, is there any way we can come to know that love if it can’t really be proved?

In one of the odd free associations that sometimes come to me, I am reminded of the phrase "the proof is in the pudding." Yes, dessert is literally a sign to me of God’s love for me and for all of human kind. The phrase "the proof is in the pudding" originally was "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." It reminds us that what really matters in life is how we experience the results of something. Whether or not the love of God is something that exists in the abstract doesn’t really make much difference. And whether or not God’s love can be objectively proven isn’t the point either. What matters is whether or not we experience, with our senses, the results, the manifestation, of God’s love as we live our daily lives. Can we see, feel, taste, hear, touch the results of God’s love in our lives? The proof of God’s love is in our eating of life’s pudding.

Not Jello pudding. But maybe a Christmas pudding that has been aged for a year, is full of an incredible mixture of fruits and spices, and is made with a recipe passed down from generation to generation. The experience of eating that pudding brings joy. Human beings don’t need Christmas pudding to survive. We could certainly exist as individuals and as a species in a world without Christmas pudding. But the pure joy we experience when eating strawberry shortcake or Christmas pudding, or double chocolate fudge brownies… The unnecessary and impractical abundance of dessert and the capacity to enjoy it… Surely these must be the gifts of a God who loves us very, very much, and who wants us to know wonder and joy in our lives.

Dessert is just one example of how our individual lives are full of experiences that transcend our needs and express God’s love for us. People often express gratitude to God when they feel they are given what they need… strength to get by, patience in a difficult situation. It is certainly always appropriate to express gratitude to God. But for me the incredible wonder is not that we are given what we need; it’s that we are so often given more than we need, more than we need simply to get by, more than we need to endure, more than we require to survive. We are given dessert. And it is these gifts of abundance so far beyond what we just need that, for me, are the fruits of God’s love. These are the proof in the pudding of my life that speak to me of God’s love for me.

Beyond dessert, there are other examples. Consider love itself, for example. The wondrous mystery of love; the fact that we have the longing and the capability to love one another; the fact that our relationships with one another are about more than cohabitation or procreation or mutual financial benefit… Those needs could be filled without love. But we are given the chance to love and to be loved. Surely the love that we bear one another must be the fruit, the manifestation, of a greater love… Of God’s love for us.

Or there’s the human capacity for nobility and self-sacrifice. As individuals, as a society, as a nation, we have the potential to act beyond self-interest. As popular as the Survivor TV shows may be, we have, within us, the potential to be more than survivors. And those heroes whom we most admire are those individuals who live into their potential for nobility and sacrifice transcending mere survival. Only a deeply loving God could instill such potential within us.

And the capacity for forgiveness. Beyond even tolerance or patience with one another, we have the capacity to forgive and to be forgiven. Even when the wrong that has been done might seem overwhelming. Surely this human capacity for forgiveness spills over into our hearts from the loving forgiveness that God expresses towards us.

And things like creativity and imagination. These are icing on the cake of life.

And in life’s most difficult times, we human beings find even more than the strength to endure, although surely that would be enough. Even in the midst of unimaginable circumstances, we are given the light of hope. Not just endurance, but hope. What seed within us gives life to this hope? It must be a seed planted by God’s love. It is a powerful love that gives to us the gift of hope within our hearts.

Life could be just a matter of survival, endurance and basic sustenance. But in our experience, in the living of our daily lives, we find and live so much more. We are given so much more than just what we need. We feel love and forgiveness; we strive for lives of meaning and nobility; we create; we imagine; we hope; we feast. Does God love me? Does God love us? Oh, yes. The proof is in the pudding.

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